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Setting boundaries during the holidays
The holiday season is a time of joy and happiness that brings loved ones together. However, high expectations and pressure from others and ourselves to have the “perfect” events and memories can create barriers in truly enjoying this time of year. Thus, the holiday season, for many, causes elevated levels of stress and feeling overwhelmed. So if you are one who has experienced the thought of “once the holidays are over things will settle down” or “I just have to get through November and December,” know you are not alone. That being said, setting boundaries is a way to experience a more healthy and happy holiday season.
So what are boundaries? “Boundaries are limits that we set with ourselves and others to ensure we take care of overall well-being” (Quirk, 2021). More specifically, boundaries protect several aspects of our functioning, from our time, energy, peace, leisure, and finances. When boundaries are not in place, we likely experience exhaustion, guilt, unfullment, and even resentment. Importantly, if we do not take care of our own needs, it becomes increasingly difficult to show up for others with the kind of love and attention you’d truly like to give.
Here are a few steps to consider when setting boundaries:
Define your priorities for the holidays. Explore and identify what is most meaningful for the season. For example, spending time with immediate family, reaching out to extended family or friends, enjoying holiday events in the community, baking Christmas cookies and treats, making memories, or having quiet time alone (Crisis Text Line, 2023).
Plan and Implement Self-Care. The demands of this time of year make it extremely difficult to find time for you and maintain a healthy routine. So remember to not abandon your normal routine and implement more time to decompress. Such as, just finding moments throughout your day can make a big difference in your energy and mood. Leisure activities including reading, taking a hot bath, eating healthy, meditating, exercising, or journaling are wonderful ways to recharge.
Communicate openly and honestly. While it may be hard to be honest, honesty does not equal unkindness. Being truthful and your authentic self fosters healthy dynamics with others and respect for one another. For difficult conversations, remember to plan what you’d like to say, take deep breaths, and slow down. Using “I” statements is an effective way to address and share your feelings. For instance, I feel (state your emotion) when (behavior that you do not like or action you do not want to perform) because or but (the effect that the behavior or action has on you). An example may be “I feel tired when I host Christmas dinner because I do most of the work.”
Remember saying ‘no’ is an option. Sometimes saying “no” is enough. Not every situation warrants a conversation. Also, remember you do not need to always explain yourself. Saying “no” is a way to be direct and clear in your needs and wants. When someone invites you to events or to do a favor, think about the demands of the ask before saying yes or no. Saying “let me think about it” before responding provides time to think it over.
Create and stick to a budget. The holiday months generally add more expenses from gift giving, cooking, baking, to decor. Financial boundaries are just as important as personal ones. Set a budget for the holidays can prevent stress and worry. Planning for gifts, travel, and entertainment ahead of time can make a big difference in knowing what to expect and what is feasible.
Celebrate you! The holidays are challenging times. Remind yourself you are doing the best you can and trying to put yourself first. Setting boundaries is not easy and at times, others may not be in agreement with your choices.Typically these individuals benefit from you being more lenient and putting their needs or wants first. However, remember that boundaries are a way to reduce stress and feeling overwhelmed, and find peace for you in such a busy time.
Below are a list of resources including APPs, podcasts, and books to aid in setting boundaries, manage stress, and truly enjoy this time of year!
APPS: Headspace Meditation: https://www.headspace.com/ Calm: https://www.calm.com Insight Timer: https://insighttimer.com Simple Habit: Simple Habit Podcasts: The Boundaries.me Podcast: https://www.boundaries.me/podcastRethinking with Adam Grant: https://adamgrant.net We Can Do Hard Things: https://wecandohardthingspodcast.com Dear Gabby Podcast: https://gabbybernstein/com Books:Chestnut, V. (2023). The Balancing Act of Stress Management: 7 Steps to Reduce Anxiety, Fear, and Overthinking, Inspire Mindfulness, Relaxation, and Calm. Independently Published. Gobin, R. (2019). The Self Care Prescription: Powerful Solutions to Manage Stress, Reduce Anxiety & Increase Wellbeing. Callisto Publishing.Hill, C. (2021). Healthy Boundaries: How to Set Strong Boundaries, Say No Without Guilt, and Maintain Good Relationships with Your Parents, Family, and Friends. Independently Published. Tawwab, N. G. (2021). Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself. Penguin Publishing Group.
Below are a list of resources including APPs, podcasts, and books to aid in setting boundaries, manage stress, and truly enjoy this time of year!
APPS: Headspace Meditation: https://www.headspace.com/ Calm: https://www.calm.com Insight Timer: https://insighttimer.com Simple Habit: Simple Habit Podcasts: The Boundaries.me Podcast: https://www.boundaries.me/podcastRethinking with Adam Grant: https://adamgrant.net We Can Do Hard Things: https://wecandohardthingspodcast.com Dear Gabby Podcast: https://gabbybernstein/com Books:Chestnut, V. (2023). The Balancing Act of Stress Management: 7 Steps to Reduce Anxiety, Fear, and Overthinking, Inspire Mindfulness, Relaxation, and Calm. Independently Published. Gobin, R. (2019). The Self Care Prescription: Powerful Solutions to Manage Stress, Reduce Anxiety & Increase Wellbeing. Callisto Publishing.Hill, C. (2021). Healthy Boundaries: How to Set Strong Boundaries, Say No Without Guilt, and Maintain Good Relationships with Your Parents, Family, and Friends. Independently Published. Tawwab, N. G. (2021). Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself. Penguin Publishing Group.